I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
