New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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