you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
