Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
