You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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