So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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