we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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