I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
