I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
