You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We talked him into tasing himself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
