Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
