what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm getting married
To pizza
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
