i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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