Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
