dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
