I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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