I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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