My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
