I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
