your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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