That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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