Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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