I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
