I feel great
I just peed on a car
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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