hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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