I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize