I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize