my mouth tastes like poor choices
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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