sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The air was thick with penises
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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