I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
