Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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