My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
