He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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