Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
