She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize