He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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