OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
