Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
