Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
