This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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