i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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