I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
