i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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