D3 body, D1 cock
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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