Someone shit on the floor
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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