I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
