Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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