Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
