grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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