I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
