So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So much rum. So many feels.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
