sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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