pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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