the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
