i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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