Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
