I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
