that's an acceptable place to lick
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
