K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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