I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
