It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
