If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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