i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
